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Micro-Moves That Make Mega Impact

susie@susietomenchok.com (Susie Tomenchok) — Tue, 22 Jul 2025 01:20:59 GMT

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1. Big Wins Rarely Start Big

Most people wait for the “right moment” to make a bold move, ask for what they want, or change direction. But the secret? It’s the micro-moves—the small, subtle choices—that quietly build the momentum. Great negotiators and confident communicators don’t wait for a perfect pitch; they adjust their tone, ask a smarter question, or pause for just one beat longer. Those tiny tweaks? They compound.

2. Change the Room with a Look (or a Breath)

You don’t need a speech to shift a conversation—sometimes you just need presence. Making eye contact when you ask for something. Taking a breath before responding to a tough comment. Lowering your voice instead of raising it. These are micro-moves that communicate strength, clarity, and intention—without saying a word.

3. Questions Are Your Quiet Superpower

People remember powerful questions more than polished arguments. A simple “What would success look like for you here?” or “Can we take a step back?” often unravels tension and opens the door to real dialogue. Asking instead of telling is one of the smartest micro-moves in leadership and life. It shows you're listening—and that you’re thinking.

4. Boundaries, But Make Them Subtle

Not every line needs to be drawn with a highlighter. Saying, “That won’t work for me, but here’s what could,” is a micro-move that asserts your position without shutting people down. Confidence doesn’t require conflict. A well-placed pause, a thoughtful “no,” or even a redirect like “Let’s table that and focus on…” keeps the energy collaborative, not combative.

5. One Step > All Talk

Overthinking is where good ideas go to die. Instead of planning the perfect pitch, send the email. Instead of rehearsing your request for a week, say the first sentence. Micro-moves make you a doer, not just a thinker. And over time, small consistent action builds trust, results, and—most importantly—your own confidence.

You don’t need a megaphone to be influential. You need awareness, timing, and a toolkit of tiny, powerful moves that speak louder than volume ever could. In communication, leadership, and negotiation, the people who win aren’t always the ones who shout the loudest—they’re the ones who move with intention.

The Language of Leadership in Tough Talks

susie@susietomenchok.com (Susie Tomenchok) — Sun, 20 Jul 2025 01:12:48 GMT

How to Be Clear, Calm, and Constructive When It Matters Most

Tough conversations test more than your knowledge—they test your character. Whether you're giving feedback, navigating a disagreement, or addressing underperformance, the way you speak shapes how you're heard.

Leadership isn’t just about having the hard talk. It’s about delivering it in a way that leads to clarity, not conflict.

Here’s how to make your words count when the stakes are high:

1. Choose clarity over cleverness.

When emotions run high, don’t sugarcoat or speak in riddles. Say what needs to be said in plain, respectful language. Uncertainty only breeds defensiveness.

2. Describe the issue, not the person.

Avoid labels like “lazy” or “difficult.” Focus on behaviors and outcomes. Try: “I noticed the report was submitted late,” instead of, “You’re always unreliable.”

3. Use intention-driven language.

Start with phrases like:

“My goal here is to find a solution...”
“I want to understand what’s going on…”
This sets a collaborative tone and softens the intensity.

4. Control your tone, not just your words.

Even the right words can feel wrong if said with sarcasm or frustration. Speak at a steady pace and maintain a tone that invites, not intimidates.

5. Ask before you assert.

Curiosity is a secret weapon. Asking “What’s your take on this?” or “What would help you succeed here?” signals respect and may reveal things you didn’t see coming.

6. End with a path forward.

Tough talks aren’t complete without direction. Summarize key takeaways, clarify expectations, and invite next steps. Leadership language always points toward progress.

When leaders speak with honesty, humility, and clarity, even the hardest conversations become opportunities—for growth, for trust, and for better outcomes.

Your Monday Mindset Reset

susie@susietomenchok.com (Susie Tomenchok) — Thu, 17 Jul 2025 01:20:35 GMT

Because the Week Doesn’t Win—Unless You Let It

1. Your Mental Defaults Are Running the Show

We all have them: the Monday blues, the Sunday scaries, or that automatic groan when the alarm goes off. But here’s the truth—how you start your Monday sets the tone for everything that follows. Your mindset isn’t just a mood; it’s a compass. If you roll into Monday thinking “survive,” you’ll miss every chance to thrive.

2. Monday Is the New Power Play

High performers, strong negotiators, and standout leaders treat Monday like game day. It’s not about hustling harder—it’s about anchoring smarter. What can you influence? What do you want to influence? Instead of letting your calendar boss you around, take 15 minutes Monday morning to boss your brain around. Reset. Reclaim. Realign.

3. From Reactive to Intentional

Emails, messages, meetings—oh my. The start of the week can feel like a mental ambush. But the pros don’t just respond—they choose their response. Whether it’s setting boundaries, reprioritizing a packed schedule, or deciding not to attend a meeting that doesn’t serve your goals, the mindset shift is this: you have more control than you think.

4. Let Go of Perfect, Focus on Progress

Monday doesn’t have to be your masterpiece—it just needs to be a clean stroke on the canvas. You don’t need to crush the entire week in one day. You just need to reset the tone. Replace the urge to be flawless with the habit of being focused. Set one clear intention. Say one brave thing. Make one meaningful ask. Progress > Perfection.

5. Your Week Starts in Your Head

Before you dive into deliverables, take a breath. Ask:
– Who do I want to be this week?
– What kind of energy do I want to bring into rooms (real or virtual)?
– What one thing, if done well, would make this week feel like a win?

Because you’re not just surviving Monday. You’re shaping your entire week—and the person you’re becoming—one reset at a time.

Speak Now or Regret It at 3AM

susie@susietomenchok.com (Susie Tomenchok) — Tue, 15 Jul 2025 01:20:23 GMT

Why Hesitating to Speak Up Can Cost More Than You Think

1. That One Thing You Wish You’d Said

We’ve all been there—lying in bed, eyes wide open, replaying a moment where we should have spoken up. You had the perfect words, the right point, the boundary you wanted to set... but instead, silence. The meeting ended, the conversation moved on, and now you’re giving an imaginary TED Talk at 3AM that no one else will hear.

Why does this happen? Because when the pressure is on, our instinct is often to avoid conflict rather than engage with clarity. But silence doesn’t just keep the peace—it often signs away our say.

2. Silence Is Not Neutral

Here’s the myth: “If I say nothing, I can’t make it worse.” In reality, saying nothing is still saying something. It can be misread as agreement, disinterest, or weakness. Especially in negotiation, leadership, or decision-making moments, silence can give away leverage or credibility without a word being spoken.

Think of every missed opportunity to counter, clarify, or challenge as a moment where your presence was only partial—and you deserve to show up whole.

3. Your Voice Has Weight—Use It

Speaking up isn’t about dominating the room; it’s about showing that you’re in it. You don’t need to have all the answers, just the courage to ask the important questions. You don’t need to raise your voice—just be willing to raise your hand, make your point, or share your truth.

Clarity and confidence are built through small moments of bravery. Say the hard thing. Ask the awkward question. Offer the contrary opinion. You might shake things up—but that’s usually where progress begins.

4. Pause, Then Speak

The goal isn’t to blurt—it’s to be deliberate. A momentary pause helps you gather your thoughts and respond instead of reacting. The pause says, “I’m considering, not caving.” And when you follow that with something intentional, even a simple, “Here’s what I’m thinking…”—you turn hesitation into leadership.

5. No More 3AM Regrets

The next time you're about to bite your tongue, ask yourself: Will this keep me up tonight? If the answer is yes, speak now. Your future self (and your sleep cycle) will thank you.

You don’t have to shout to be heard, but you do have to speak to be understood. Make space for your voice—it belongs in the conversation.

You Can Be Kind Without Being a Doormat

susie@susietomenchok.com (Susie Tomenchok) — Thu, 10 Jul 2025 01:19:58 GMT

Because compassion doesn’t require self-abandonment.

There’s a persistent myth that kindness means saying yes, being agreeable, and keeping the peace at all costs. But here’s the truth: kindness without boundaries isn’t kindness—it’s self-erasure.

Too many leaders, professionals, and people-pleasers get caught in the trap of thinking that to be liked, they must be endlessly accommodating. They soften their voice, say “sure” when they mean “not really,” and let silence take the place of assertion. Over time, they become the go-to for everything—except respect.

Being kind doesn’t mean letting people walk all over you. It means treating people with respect, while also respecting yourself. It means saying no without guilt. It means communicating clearly, not passively. It means understanding that firmness isn’t rude—it’s responsible.

Here’s how to lead with kindness and clarity:

Start with self-respect. You can’t be kind to others while constantly betraying yourself.
Use calm, clear language. “I’m not available for that right now” is both kind and firm.
Ditch the over-explaining. You don’t owe a five-paragraph essay every time you set a boundary.
Stay warm—but don’t waffle. You can smile and still stand your ground.

People respect those who are consistent, clear, and compassionate—not those who disappear behind a smile.

Because the goal isn’t to be the nicest person in the room.

It’s to be the clearest, the kindest, and the most grounded.

Ask Like You Expect a Yes

susie@susietomenchok.com (Susie Tomenchok) — Tue, 08 Jul 2025 01:19:44 GMT

Because confidence isn’t arrogance—it’s clarity.

There’s a difference between asking if you can and asking as if you already can.

In high-stakes conversations—whether you’re requesting a raise, pitching your services, or even setting a boundary—the energy behind your ask matters just as much as the words you use. People don’t just hear your request; they feel your certainty (or your hesitation).

When you ask with hesitation, you subconsciously signal that you’re not sure you deserve what you’re asking for. But when you ask with clarity, confidence, and calm expectation, it changes the dynamic. You’re not begging—you’re positioning. You’re not hoping—you’re offering. And people respond differently when you act like your “yes” is on the table, not a long shot.

This doesn’t mean being entitled. It means aligning your tone and body language with the value you know you bring. Think about it: When you already know your worth, you don’t ask to be validated—you ask to be heard, respected, and matched.

So how do you ask like you expect a yes?

Know your value first. If you're not convinced, they won’t be.
Drop the disclaimers. “Sorry to bother you” is a no disguised as a question.
Speak from a place of mutual benefit. It’s not just about you getting something—it’s about the value exchange.
Make eye contact and breathe. Confidence isn’t loud. It’s present.

Because in leadership, business, and life, the most powerful people aren’t always the ones who say yes—they’re the ones who expect it, and know what to do if they don’t get it.

Stop Apologizing for Having Standards

susie@susietomenchok.com (Susie Tomenchok) — Thu, 03 Jul 2025 01:19:21 GMT

Why Holding the Line Is Self-Respect, Not Arrogance

1. Standards Aren’t Demands—They’re Declarations

Having standards means you’ve done the work: you know what you want, what you won’t tolerate, and where you’re headed. Yet somehow, we still feel the urge to cushion our preferences with apologies. “Sorry, I just expect communication.” “Sorry, I don’t chase clients.” Here’s the truth: clarity is not cruelty. And having standards is not a flaw to explain away—it’s a foundation to build on.

2. Every Boundary Is a Form of Self-Respect

When you stop apologizing for your standards, you start attracting people who rise to meet them—colleagues, clients, even friends. Standards are not a list of what others must be. They are reflections of what you commit to being: consistent, principled, and intentional. Don’t let fear of being “too much” lead you into accepting too little.

3. The Backlash Is Real—And Worth It

People will question you. They’ll call you picky, difficult, demanding. That’s because your standards disrupt comfort zones. But take a moment and ask yourself: Who benefits when I lower the bar? Usually, it’s not you. Confidence may rattle others, but it will always carry you forward.

4. How to Hold Standards Without the Guilt

Replace “Sorry” with “Thank you”: Try “Thanks for understanding my time is limited” instead of “Sorry I can’t.”
Speak your non-negotiables early. Don’t wait until you’re uncomfortable.
Remember: You are not hard to please—you are easy to please if it’s right.

5. Your Standards Set the Tone

In business, leadership, relationships—standards signal what’s possible. When you raise yours, you invite others to level up. And when you stay true to them, you stop wasting energy on things that drain you. You get results, not just reactions.

Stop apologizing for having standards. Start expecting others to meet them—or step aside. You’re not asking for too much. You’re just finally asking for what’s right.

Not Bossy—Just Boundaried

susie@susietomenchok.com (Susie Tomenchok) — Tue, 01 Jul 2025 01:18:57 GMT

How Clear Limits Signal Strength, Not Attitude

1. The Mislabeling of Confidence

You speak up. You say no. You set expectations. Suddenly, you're "bossy." This label—especially when used against women or soft-spoken professionals—can derail self-esteem and silence voices that need to be heard. But being boundaried is not about being rigid or controlling. It's about clarity, respect, and knowing your worth. People aren't used to directness that doesn't come with apology—but that doesn't make it wrong.

2. Boundaries Build Trust, Not Walls

When you define what's okay and what's not, others don't have to guess. Boundaries aren't barriers—they're guideposts. In negotiation, leadership, or day-to-day life, a well-communicated limit shows that you value both yourself and the relationship. It’s not “my way or the highway,” it’s “here’s the road I’m on—want to meet me here?”

3. Assertiveness Isn’t Aggression

There’s a spectrum between passive and aggressive. It’s called assertiveness. That’s where healthy boundaries live. You can be calm, kind, and clear all at once. You can disagree without a dramatic exit. You can stand your ground with grace. People respect those who don’t waver when pressured—not those who fold to keep things “nice.”

4. How to Be Boundaried Without Being Cold

Use “I” language: “I’m not available after 6PM” sounds better than “You always call late.”
Stay firm, not forceful: Repeating calmly is more powerful than raising your voice.
Smile if you mean it—but don’t mask discomfort with politeness.

5. Boundaries Are a Leadership Skill

The best leaders set the tone by showing what’s acceptable and what’s not. They don’t micromanage, but they also don’t ignore red flags. Boundaries help teams thrive by avoiding burnout, confusion, and resentment. If you want to lead well—personally or professionally—start by respecting your own limits. Others will follow.

When You Stay Silent, You Say Yes to Less

susie@susietomenchok.com (Susie Tomenchok) — Thu, 26 Jun 2025 01:18:37 GMT

The Hidden Costs of Not Speaking Up in Work and Life

1. Silence Isn’t Neutral—It’s Permission

In tough moments—when someone overlooks your idea, skips over your raise, or sets a boundary you’re not okay with— staying silent doesn’t just avoid conflict . It often signals consent. Without realizing it, your silence can say: “This is fine,” even when it’s not. Whether in boardrooms, relationships, or everyday choices, silence can slowly carve out a space smaller than what you deserve.

2. Why We Stay Quiet

Fear of confrontation, desire to be liked, not wanting to “cause trouble”—these are the usual suspects. But what gets overlooked is that what you don’t say shapes your outcomes just as much as what you do . It’s not about speaking up every time something feels off—it’s about learning when silence costs more than discomfort.

3. Speaking Up Isn’t Loud, It’s Clear

You don’t need to shout to set a boundary. You don’t need to argue to raise your hand. Often, the most powerful moments come from calm, clear statements like:

“Actually, I’d like to revisit that decision.”
“That doesn’t sit right with me.”
“Can we talk about what I need to succeed here?”
It’s not about being aggressive. It’s about being present and principled .

4. You Can’t Be Valued Without Visibility

Want to be seen as a leader? Want better pay? More respect? It starts with making yourself heard. Not in every meeting or every fight—but consistently, especially when it matters. If you never speak your value, don’t expect others to guess it.

5. Saying Less Should Be a Strategy, Not a Default

Silence can be strategic. It can de-escalate. It can give space. But when it becomes a habit born of fear, politeness, or people-pleasing, it limits your options. Practice saying the small things now—so you’re ready when the big moments come.

Your voice is your boundary, your brand, and your power. When you stay silent, you may keep the peace—but you also keep yourself small. Speak up—not to create conflict, but to create clarity about who you are and what you deserve .

Being Liked Won’t Get You the Raise

susie@susietomenchok.com (Susie Tomenchok) — Tue, 24 Jun 2025 01:18:13 GMT

Why Respect, Not Approval, Drives Real Progress at Work

1. The Nice Trap: Why Being Agreeable Isn’t a Career Strategy

Many professionals—especially women—are socialized to believe that being liked will lead to being rewarded. Smile more, don’t rock the boat, always be agreeable. But here's the truth: being liked doesn’t guarantee advancement . In fact, it can backfire. When you spend energy pleasing everyone, you may avoid the necessary tension that comes with growth, leadership, and real negotiations. The hard truth? Your likability won’t negotiate a better salary on your behalf— you will .

2. Respect Trumps Approval

The people who get promoted, funded, or chosen for leadership roles aren’t always the most liked—but they are often the most respected . They speak up when it’s uncomfortable, they ask for what they’re worth, and they challenge ideas constructively. If people admire your competence and trust your judgment, you’ve earned something deeper and more sustainable than popularity: credibility .

3. You Can Be Kind and Assertive

There’s a myth that you must choose between being nice and being bold. Not true. You can absolutely be empathetic and still ask for more. You can lead with warmth and still set boundaries. Being respected doesn’t mean being cold—it means knowing your value and standing by it , even when it’s not the easiest thing to do.

4. The Raise Goes to the One Who Asks

Your boss might appreciate you. Your team might enjoy working with you. But raises don’t come from silent gratitude—they come from confident conversations . That means preparing your case, showing the value you bring, and asking directly. Not with apologies. Not with “if you think I deserve it.” With clarity. With facts. With the belief that asking isn’t rude—it’s responsible.

5. Redefining What Being "Liked" Means

Maybe the goal isn’t to be liked in the “easygoing, never disruptive” sense. Maybe it’s to be the kind of person who’s trusted, who’s listened to, and who others know can lead tough conversations without losing integrity. That’s the kind of “likable” that moves careers forward.

Chasing approval will keep you safe. Owning your value will take you further . So the next time you hesitate to ask for what you deserve because you don’t want to seem pushy—ask yourself this: Do I want to be liked… or do I want to be respected and paid fairly for the work I do?

Don’t Shrink to Fit the Room—Shape the Space

susie@susietomenchok.com (Susie Tomenchok) — Thu, 19 Jun 2025 01:17:30 GMT

Owning Your Voice When It Feels Easiest to Stay Small

1. Stop Editing Yourself Before You Speak

How many times have you sat in a meeting, idea on the tip of your tongue, and decided to hold back? Maybe it didn’t feel “perfect.” Maybe you worried it would come off too bold, too confident, too much. That quiet self-editing may feel safe in the moment—but it costs you power over time. Shrinking to fit a space that doesn’t yet see you is one of the fastest ways to disappear from conversations where you should be a central voice.

2. The Space Wasn’t Designed for You—But That Doesn’t Mean You Don’t Belong

Many rooms—especially corporate or high-stakes ones—carry unspoken norms: who talks, who leads, who gets heard. If you don’t match those norms, you might feel like you’re taking up “too much” space just by being there. But real leadership doesn’t mean blending in. It means redefining what the space can hold. Whether you're the only woman, the youngest person, or someone with a different lived experience—owning your presence starts with the belief that your voice adds value.

3. Presence Is a Skill, Not a Trait

You don’t need to be the loudest, the most charismatic, or the one with the fanciest title. You need to be clear , grounded , and self-aware . Presence is about showing up with your full self—knowing what you stand for, and being willing to stand in it even when the room gets quiet. If you’ve ever worried that you’re “not a natural,” let this be a reminder: presence is practiced. Confidence is rehearsed. Command is cultivated.

4. You Teach Others How to Listen to You

When you downplay your expertise, trail off when making a point, or preface your ideas with “this might be silly, but…”—others subconsciously take that cue. On the flip side, when you speak with conviction, even if your voice shakes a little, you shift how others receive your words. The first person who has to believe your voice matters is you.

5. Reclaim Space with Intention

Shaping the room doesn’t require a power pose or a perfectly rehearsed line. Sometimes it looks like:

Asking the question no one else will.
Backing up another voice being ignored.
Sharing credit generously—and taking it when it’s yours.
Saying “I disagree” with grace, not apology.

These small choices accumulate. Over time, they change not just how you’re seen, but what the room itself expects—and accepts.

Disagreeing Like a Pro: A Lost Life Skill

susie@susietomenchok.com (Susie Tomenchok) — Tue, 17 Jun 2025 01:17:13 GMT

How to Push Back Without Tearing Down

In a world increasingly afraid of conflict, knowing how to disagree well has become a rare superpower. Whether in the boardroom, the classroom, or over dinner, the ability to hold your ground without losing your cool is the mark of a true leader. Here's how to disagree like a pro—and still walk away with mutual respect intact.

1. Start with Curiosity, Not Combat

The best disagreements begin with, “Help me understand your view.” This opens dialogue instead of triggering defenses. Curiosity cools tension and makes the other person feel heard—even before you make your case.

2. Validate Before You Challenge

Say, “I see where you’re coming from,” or “That’s a fair point.” Acknowledging what makes sense shows you're listening, not steamrolling. People are more receptive to new ideas when they feel respected.

3. Speak to Ideas, Not Egos

Focus on what was said, not who said it. Instead of “You’re wrong,” try “Here’s another way to look at it.” Precision in language protects the relationship while sharpening the argument.

4. Don’t Avoid Discomfort—Navigate It

Disagreement will be uncomfortable. That’s not a problem; that’s a sign of growth. When handled professionally, tension becomes a tool for clarity, not chaos.

5. Stay Calm, Especially When They Don’t

Your tone becomes your armor. If they escalate, don’t mirror—moderate. Calm is contagious. If you can hold steady, you anchor the conversation.

6. Know When to End the Loop

Not every disagreement needs resolution. Some need space. Know when to say, “Let’s pause and revisit this,” or “We may need to agree to disagree for now.”

Disagreeing well isn’t about winning—it’s about building trust, surfacing truth, and moving forward with strength. In the end, your ability to disagree like a pro might just be the life skill that saves the relationship and the result.

They Said No—Now What?

susie@susietomenchok.com (Susie Tomenchok) — Thu, 12 Jun 2025 01:16:53 GMT

Turning Rejection into Strategic Redirection

A “no” can sting—but it doesn’t have to stop you. In negotiation and in life, hearing “no” is often the beginning of a deeper conversation, not the end. What you do next reveals more about your mindset than the answer itself. Here’s how to respond with clarity, strength, and purpose:

1. Don’t Flinch—Stay Composed

A calm reaction to rejection shows confidence. Instead of scrambling or getting defensive, pause. Let the “no” land without letting it rattle your core. This gives you time—and power—to think.

2. Clarify the Reason Behind the No

Often, a rejection hides uncertainty or a misunderstanding. Ask with curiosity: “Can you share what’s holding you back?” or “Is there a specific concern I can address?” Insight is power.

3. Reframe, Don’t Retreat

Maybe your ask was too broad—or not aligned with their needs. This is your moment to reposition. What if you pitched a scaled version? What if you shifted the timing? A revised offer can often lead to a reconsideration.

4. Lean Into Empathy

Sometimes a “no” reflects their circumstances, not your worth. Maybe they’re overwhelmed, under pressure, or just not ready. Acknowledge their side without losing your ask: “I understand this might not be ideal timing. Would a revisit make sense in the future?”

5. Know When to Walk—Strategically

Not every “no” deserves a follow-up. Know your non-negotiables. When the terms aren’t right or the relationship lacks respect, walking away with grace can build more long-term influence than pushing further.

6. Turn Rejection Into Reflection

After the conversation, ask yourself: What worked? What didn’t? What can you do differently next time? Every “no” is a feedback loop in disguise—if you’re willing to listen.

A “no” might block the door you were aiming for, but it often opens a window to something smarter. The best negotiators aren’t immune to rejection—they’re just experts at what comes after it.

How to Hear What’s Not Being Said

susie@susietomenchok.com (Susie Tomenchok) — Tue, 10 Jun 2025 01:15:33 GMT

The Hidden Language of Leadership

Some of the most important messages aren’t spoken aloud. They live in the tone, timing, and tension of a conversation. Great leaders learn to hear not just words—but intentions, hesitations, and what’s deliberately left out.

Here's how you can tune into the subtext:

1. Notice the Emotional Undercurrent

Look past the literal message. Are they saying “I’m okay” with a smile that doesn’t reach their eyes? Emotions leak out through tone, pacing, and posture. Train yourself to notice shifts in energy when certain topics come up.

2. Read the Silence

Silence can speak volumes. When someone doesn’t respond immediately or avoids elaborating, ask yourself: what are they not comfortable saying? Follow up with empathy: “I noticed you paused—want to talk more about that?”

3. Track the Body, Not Just the Voice

Crossed arms, fidgeting, avoiding eye contact—these often signal discomfort or resistance, even when someone is verbally agreeable. Body language reveals the story underneath the script.

4. Ask What’s Not Being Asked

Sometimes, people don’t know how to bring up what’s really bothering them. Lead with curiosity: “Is there anything you haven’t said yet that you’re thinking about?” or “Is there a part of this we’re missing?”

5. Create Safety for Truth

People won’t share what they really think unless they feel safe. The more you practice non-reactive, non-judgmental listening, the more people will trust you with what’s real—spoken or not.

The best leaders don’t just hear the message. They tune into what’s between the lines—and that’s where real connection begins.

What Great Leaders Do in High-Stakes Conversations

susie@susietomenchok.com (Susie Tomenchok) — Thu, 05 Jun 2025 01:15:08 GMT

Staying Clear, Calm, and Credible When the Pressure’s On

Big moments reveal true leadership—not when things are easy, but when tensions rise and the stakes are real. Whether it’s a major deal, a team conflict, or a tough client call, high-stakes conversations separate reactive talkers from grounded leaders.

So what do great leaders actually do in these moments?

Let’s break it down:

1. They don’t rush the moment.

Great leaders don’t just react—they pause. A split second of silence might not seem like much, but in high-pressure dialogue, it gives room for clarity, reflection, and composure. That pause often prevents emotional responses and invites thoughtful strategy.

2. They prepare for outcomes, not just arguments.

Rather than memorizing rebuttals or defensively posturing, effective leaders begin with this: What do I want from this conversation? They reverse-engineer their message from that point. It’s not about winning—it’s about aligning the discussion to a shared goal.

3. They manage tone like a skill.

In critical conversations, how something is said matters as much as what’s being said. Great leaders keep their tone steady, their body language open, and their delivery calm—even when emotions run high. This projects control and earns respect.

4. They listen like it’s part of the strategy.

Listening isn’t just polite—it’s powerful. Great leaders know when to speak, but more importantly, they know when to listen. And when they do, it’s not to reload, it’s to understand. That insight often reveals solutions that force alone cannot.

5. They depersonalize the heat.

Tension is natural, but personal attacks derail progress. Great leaders focus on the issue, not the individual. Even when challenged, they resist the urge to lash out. They speak to ideas, data, and desired outcomes—not egos.

6. They choose credibility over charisma.

In tough talks, it’s not about being the most charming in the room—it’s about being the most reliable. Clear reasoning, grounded language, and honesty build trust. Great leaders don’t bluff; they build agreements on truth.

7. They exit the conversation better than they entered.

Even if the outcome is hard or uncertain, leaders leave doors open. They recap clearly, affirm mutual respect, and plant seeds for continued partnership. No scorched earth—just forward motion.

High-stakes conversations don’t require superhero confidence. They require intention, discipline, and emotional clarity. That’s what real leadership looks like—especially when it matters most.

Yes is a Mindset, Not a Lucky Break

susie@susietomenchok.com (Susie Tomenchok) — Tue, 03 Jun 2025 01:14:36 GMT

The Inner Game Behind External Success

From the outside, it may look like some people just attract opportunity—like the right clients, promotions, or partnerships naturally fall into their lap. But dig a little deeper, and you’ll usually find the same thing: a “yes” mindset shaping every move they make.

Success isn’t random. It’s often a product of how we show up—what we expect, how we ask, and what kind of energy we project.

Here’s how a “yes” mindset changes the game:

1. It starts with intention.

People with a yes mindset don’t stumble into progress—they walk toward it. They approach meetings, negotiations, and opportunities with a clear goal and the belief that it’s possible. That clarity alone changes the tone of any interaction.

2. They anticipate alignment, not rejection.

Instead of bracing for pushback, they look for common ground. They listen for overlap. This subtle shift turns every conversation into a search for connection—not a battle to win.

3. They speak with expectation, not hesitation.

When you believe something is achievable, your language reflects it. “When we move forward” carries a different weight than “if you decide to go with us.” Confidence isn't arrogance—it's contagious optimism.

4. They act before the answer.

People with a yes mindset prepare like the answer is already yes. They do the work, anticipate needs, and show up ready to deliver. This signals capability—and makes it easier for others to get on board.

5. They bounce back quickly.

Even when the answer is no, they don’t spiral. A yes mindset isn’t delusion—it’s resilience. It turns rejection into redirection and keeps momentum moving forward.

6. Others mirror their belief.

People can feel it when you believe in the value of what you're offering. That conviction builds trust—and trust builds agreement.

The bottom line? A yes mindset doesn’t guarantee every door opens. But it does make you more likely to knock—confidently, intentionally, and with the kind of presence that makes others want to say yes.

Why Confident People Don’t Compromise First

susie@susietomenchok.com (Susie Tomenchok) — Thu, 29 May 2025 01:14:00 GMT

The Silent Strategy That Holds More Power Than It Shows

When tension rises in a negotiation, the urge to “meet halfway” can feel like the responsible thing to do. But confident communicators know that compromise isn't always the wisest first move.

Why? Because giving in too early can cost you more than you realize—not just in outcomes, but in perception.

Here’s why confident people wait before folding:

1. They know their value.

Confidence comes from clarity. When you’re grounded in what you offer, you don’t need to rush into concessions to prove flexibility. You stand steady—because what you’re bringing is worth standing for.

2. They understand timing is everything.

The first to speak or shift often loses leverage. Silence isn’t awkward for confident people—it’s strategic. It creates space for the other side to reveal more, reconsider, or even concede.

3. They don’t confuse patience with stubbornness.

Holding your position doesn’t mean being immovable. It means giving the conversation time to evolve. Confident people are open—but not overeager.

4. They read the moment, not just the message.

Sometimes it’s not what’s said, but how it’s said. Confident communicators pay attention to tone, pace, and power dynamics. They don’t rush to accommodate—they pause to assess.

5. They lead with principle, not panic.

When people fold early, it’s often out of discomfort. But confidence brings calm. It lets you hold space for tension without needing to relieve it immediately.

6. They know compromise is a tool, not a reflex.

Yes, compromise matters—but only when it’s earned, reciprocal, and well-timed. Confident people don’t offer it to keep the peace; they offer it to create real progress.

The most powerful negotiators aren’t loud. They’re deliberate. They don’t race to give ground—they wait to understand the terrain. And when they do compromise, it’s from a position of strength, not surrender.

Don't Be The Path of Least Resistance

susie@susietomenchok.com (Susie Tomenchok) — Wed, 28 May 2025 23:15:08 GMT

How Self-Advocacy Creates Opportunities

The path of least resistance is not where your opportunities lie. In executive leadership training programs , one lesson stands out: If you take only what’s given to you, you teach others that they don’t need to anticipate your needs or responses. The truth is, advocating for yourself or your team not only creates an immediate impact, but it also sets the stage for future benefits.

Are You the Path of Least Resistance? Early in my career, I learned this lesson the hard way, but it was a valuable experience that taught me a lot about self-advocacy and leadership. When you don’t push beyond what’s presented, others will see you as the path of least resistance. On the other hand, those who consistently advocate for themselves and their teams—people like my peer Dan—teach others to negotiate with their interests in mind, even when they aren’t in the room.

The Story of the Corner Office In my book, I write about a pivotal moment in my career when I learned this lesson. It was during a time when having an office was a symbol of stature and influence.

"Tell them you want the corner office," my coach said. He was adamant that I advocate for myself.

I had just been given an office upgrade with a beautiful view, an executive desk, a conference table, and a war room area. I felt appreciated for my contributions, so why should I complain? My peer, Dan, had received a nearly identical office—except his was at the end of the hall, giving him the coveted corner office.

At first, I didn’t want to push for the corner office. I was grateful for the recognition, but my coach insisted. I finally made my case to my boss, who was surprised and puzzled by my request. It felt out of character for me to negotiate something like this, and her reaction made me want to retreat. But I pushed forward and told her I wanted the corner office, even though it was uncomfortable.

Her response? "It’s not about you—we just wanted Dan further from the COO." It was a flimsy excuse, but I let it go. I didn’t want to seem ungrateful.

When I told my coach about the conversation, he asked me why I accepted such a weak explanation. He then said something that changed my perspective: "Do you know why they gave Dan the corner office? Because they knew if they didn’t, he’d raise a fuss. You were the path of least resistance."

Lessons from Dan: Ask, and You Shall Receive Dan taught me an important lesson about executive resilience and the power of asking. He asked for things I wouldn’t have even considered, like parking spaces, spa credits, and increased commissions based on other departments' revenue pulls. The one that floored me was when he asked that I report to him so he could benefit from my team’s revenue. He played the odds by asking a lot and getting yes most of the time.

Dan’s approach wasn’t just about being bold—it was about creating a culture where others anticipated his needs before he even asked. His relentless self-advocacy made an impact, and people began negotiating with his interests in mind, even when he wasn’t in the room. This lesson is key to leadership pipeline development and strategic leadership .

Why Self-Advocacy Matters in Leadership: When you regularly advocate for yourself and your team, people take notice. You teach them to anticipate your needs and consider your position before they make decisions. This is particularly important in C-suite development strategies , where high-stakes decisions are often made in "the meeting before the meeting," when you're not there to represent yourself.

When to Advocate for Yourself: There’s a fine balance between being assertive and being perceived as difficult, so knowing when to advocate is crucial. Here are some key moments when self-advocacy can have the biggest impact:

Annual Reviews: When you're discussing your performance, it’s crucial to highlight your goals and ask for the promotion or raise you deserve. This is a great opportunity to set yourself up for success and create momentum for future opportunities.
Project Assignments: When you're assigned a project that goes beyond your typical responsibilities, use it as an opportunity to ask for additional resources or professional development.
Professional Development Opportunities: If you see others around you getting opportunities for growth, ask what you need to do to be considered for similar experiences, like executive coaching services .

Framing Your Ask: When advocating for yourself, it's important to frame your request thoughtfully. Here are some examples to help guide you:

During an Annual Review:
“I appreciate the feedback and recognition in this review. I’ve been working toward the next promotion and believe I’m ready to take that step. Can we discuss the timeline and what I need to achieve to make that happen? I believe I can hit those milestones within the next three months.”
Professional Development Opportunities:
“I’ve noticed that others have had the opportunity to work with an executive coach. What steps do I need to take to be considered for similar professional development opportunities?”
Unsatisfactory Product or Service:
“I’ve been a loyal customer of this company for years, and I’ve always trusted the quality of your products. I’m surprised by the issue with this purchase. What can be done to resolve this, and what have you offered to other customers in similar situations?”

Conclusion: Being the path of least resistance may feel comfortable, but it won’t propel you forward. Self-advocacy is essential for executive leadership growth. When you push beyond the "no" or the first option presented, you teach others that you’re a force to be considered. This not only benefits you but also sets a precedent for your team.

By advocating for yourself, you create a wake of future benefits, and you’ll be represented in discussions even when you’re not in the room. Don’t be the path of least resistance—create a culture where your needs and the needs of your team are always part of the conversation.

Takeaway: Think about the moments where you’ve accepted what was given without asking for more. What could you have done differently? Begin advocating for yourself today and build the skill to frame your ask confidently and effectively.

Say It Right and They’ll Say Yes

susie@susietomenchok.com (Susie Tomenchok) — Tue, 27 May 2025 01:13:41 GMT

The Subtle Power of Framing to Get to Agreement

Ever say something reasonable and get shut down anyway? It might not be what you said—it might be how you said it.

Influence isn't about force. It's about framing. The most persuasive people don’t push harder—they speak smarter.

Here’s how to say it right so others are more likely to say yes:

1. Start with shared goals.

People resist when they feel pressured. But when they hear alignment, they lean in. Instead of “I need you to…” try “Let’s make sure we’re on track to…” It turns the ask into a we, not a me.

2. Use open, collaborative language.

Phrases like:

“Would it be possible if…”
“What would it take to…”
“How can we make this work?”
…soften the edge without weakening your stance.

3. Frame the benefit clearly.

People say yes more easily when they know what’s in it for them—or the team. Tie your ask to value: “If we can finalize this by Friday, it helps us stay ahead of the deadline.”

4. Avoid ultimatums—offer options.

Nothing triggers resistance like feeling boxed in. Instead of:

“This is the only way,”
Try:
“Here are a couple of paths we could take—what’s your take?”
Giving people agency creates buy-in.

5. Mind your tone.

Even the right words can backfire with the wrong delivery. Confidence should never sound like condescension. Check your tone for respect and calm, especially under stress.

6. End with clarity, not vagueness.

Say:

“So we’ll move forward with Plan A by Wednesday?”
…not:
“Okay, I guess that could work.”
Clarity confirms commitment. Vagueness invites delay.

Words shape perception—and perception shapes decisions. When your message feels collaborative, clear, and constructive, “yes” isn’t just more likely. It feels like the natural next step.

Reading the Room: Your Most Underrated Skill

susie@susietomenchok.com (Susie Tomenchok) — Thu, 22 May 2025 01:13:14 GMT

Why Emotional Awareness Beats Talking Points Every Time

You’ve crafted the perfect pitch, prepared all the right words—but something still falls flat. Why? Because influence isn’t just about what you say—it’s about when, how, and to whom you say it.

Reading the room is a leadership superpower. It's not flashy. It's not loud. But it changes everything.

Here’s how to sharpen this essential but often overlooked skill:

1. Listen with your eyes.

Are people leaning in or looking away? Do their expressions match their words? Before you speak more, observe more. Nonverbal cues speak volumes.

2. Gauge emotional temperature.

What’s the mood? Tense? Distracted? Supportive? Sensing the emotional undercurrent helps you time your message, shift your tone, or decide to wait altogether.

3. Adjust, don’t bulldoze.

If your message isn’t landing, don’t double down—pivot. Ask a question, shift your approach, or even pause. Agility is more valuable than stubbornness.

4. Match their pace and energy.

If you come in hot while everyone’s cold, you’ll seem out of sync. Calibrate your energy level to meet the room where it is—then gradually guide it to where it needs to go.

5. Ask before assuming.

Instead of powering through, try:

“Is this a good time to dig into this?”
“Would it help to pause here for thoughts?”
Letting others speak shifts the room from resistance to receptiveness.

6. Don’t just read the room—respond to it.

It’s not enough to notice discomfort or disengagement. The real skill is adjusting your strategy in real time without losing the message.

When you can sense the unsaid, you lead with more than logic—you lead with presence. And that presence builds trust, earns buy-in, and opens doors that words alone never could.

How to Hold Your Ground Without Burning Bridges

susie@susietomenchok.com (Susie Tomenchok) — Thu, 15 May 2025 01:12:10 GMT

Assertive Without Aggressive—The Sweet Spot of Respectful Strength

Some conversations call for a firm no, a clear boundary, or an unwavering stance—but that doesn’t mean they have to end in awkwardness or animosity.

Holding your ground isn’t about being rigid or confrontational. It’s about knowing what matters to you and expressing it in a way that keeps the conversation alive. The goal is clarity, not conflict.

Here’s how to do it well:

1. Know what you’re standing for.

Before you hold your ground, be clear on what you’re protecting. Is it a value? A boundary? A commitment? Vagueness makes it easy to bend under pressure.

2. Separate the person from the issue.

Disagree with the idea, not the individual. Use “I” statements that focus on your perspective rather than blaming or accusing.

3. Speak with calm, not force.

Volume doesn’t equal strength. A calm tone communicates maturity, confidence, and self-control—qualities that earn respect, even in disagreement.

4. Leave space for dialogue.

Standing firm doesn’t mean shutting down conversation. Ask questions like, “How do you see it?” or “What’s most important to you here?” It shows you’re open, even if you won’t budge.

5. Don’t be afraid of silence.

After setting your position, let it breathe. You don’t have to fill every pause with justification. Sometimes your stillness says, “I’ve said what I need to.”

Holding your ground gracefully is a leadership skill—and one that builds trust over time. Because when people see that you can say no without burning bridges, they’re more likely to come back to the table next time.

The Power of Pause Before You Reply

susie@susietomenchok.com (Susie Tomenchok) — Tue, 13 May 2025 01:11:59 GMT

Why a Brief Silence Can Be Your Strongest Communication Tool

In a world that celebrates quick comebacks and instant replies, taking a pause before responding can feel counterintuitive—even risky. But whether you're in a heated debate, a negotiation, or a casual conversation, that split second of silence holds surprising power.

1. Pausing Builds Presence

A pause signals that you're truly listening, not just waiting for your turn to speak. It shows the other person that you're processing—not reacting. That presence builds trust and positions you as thoughtful and intentional.

2. It Gives You Time to Think Clearly

When emotions are high or stakes are real, it's easy to blurt out something you’ll regret. A pause gives your brain a moment to catch up with your instincts. That moment could be the difference between escalation and resolution.

3. Pausing Enhances Your Authority

Confident people don’t rush. When you take your time before replying, you’re sending a subtle message: “I’m in control of my thoughts—and this conversation.” It shows you value clarity over speed.

4. It Can Shift Power Dynamics

In negotiations or tough conversations, silence can make others uncomfortable—but in a good way. Strategic pausing often prompts the other party to reveal more, backpedal, or reconsider their stance. You don’t have to fill every gap. Let silence do the heavy lifting.

5. Pausing Invites Better Questions

A quick reply often ends the conversation. A pause, followed by a question like “Can you tell me more about what you need?” invites deeper dialogue. And deeper dialogue leads to better understanding—and better outcomes.

6. It Models Emotional Intelligence

In leadership and life, your ability to regulate how you respond—especially under pressure—is a powerful mark of emotional maturity. The pause isn’t avoidance. It’s strategic reflection.

The next time you're tempted to fire off a response, try this instead: breathe, think, then speak. The pause isn't weakness. It's wisdom in action. And often, it's the pause—not the reply—that makes the biggest impact.

When Asking Feels Hard—Ask Smarter

susie@susietomenchok.com (Susie Tomenchok) — Thu, 08 May 2025 01:11:34 GMT

Overcoming Fear and Building Confidence in High-Stakes Conversations

We’ve all been there—heart pounding, palms sweaty, rehearsing the perfect pitch in our heads. Whether it’s asking for a raise, proposing a new idea, or even requesting help, asking can feel hard. Not because we don’t know what we want, but because we fear the answer, the judgment, or simply the awkwardness of the moment.

But what if the solution isn’t to push harder—but to ask smarter?

1. Start With Why (And Make It About Them)

People are more responsive when they understand the why behind your request—especially if it includes a benefit for them. Shift from “I need this” to “This helps both of us because…”

Example: Instead of saying, “Can I leave early on Friday?” try “If I finish the report early, would you be open to me logging off a bit sooner on Friday?”

2. Pick the Right Moment

Timing isn’t everything—but it’s close. Catching someone when they’re stressed, distracted, or in the middle of another task sets your ask up for failure. Instead, aim for calm moments, or better yet, schedule a quick chat so they’re prepared to listen.

3. Use Confident, Not Apologetic Language

You can be polite and assertive at the same time. Avoid over-explaining, minimizing your need, or using language that undercuts your own ask.

Not-so-smart: “Sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if maybe it’s okay if…”
Smarter: “I’d like to discuss something I believe will be beneficial for our team/project…”

4. Know the Value You Bring

Before you ask for something, remind yourself of the value you provide. When you recognize your worth, it naturally reflects in the way you communicate. That confidence makes your ask more compelling and reasonable to others.

5. Reframe Rejection

A “no” doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have asked—it means you now have more information. Was the ask too soon? Were priorities misaligned? Use rejection as feedback, not a verdict on your worth.

6. Practice Makes Powerful

If asking is hard, practice in lower-stakes scenarios. Order with confidence at a coffee shop. Ask a teammate for help. Like any skill, smart asking gets easier with repetition.

You don’t need to be louder to be heard—you need to be clearer, more intentional, and a little braver. When asking feels hard, it’s not a sign to stay silent. It’s a signal to approach with strategy, empathy, and quiet strength. Ask smarter—and you just might get more than you expected.

When Life Says No, Negotiate Anyway

susie@susietomenchok.com (Susie Tomenchok) — Tue, 06 May 2025 01:10:41 GMT

How to Shift Mindset, Find Leverage, and Turn Rejection Into Opportunity

Have you ever hit a wall so hard it echoed?

Maybe it was a job you didn’t land, a relationship that didn’t go the way you hoped, or a flat-out “no” to something you felt you deserved. Life throws up roadblocks with alarming regularity—but here’s the twist: “No” is rarely the end of the conversation. It’s often just the start of a smarter one.

Negotiation isn’t confined to high-stakes boardrooms or international deals. It happens every time we ask for something, push back, or advocate for ourselves. The trick is learning to lean into the “no” —not as a defeat, but as a detour.

1. Shift Your Mindset: “No” Isn’t Personal

When we hear “no,” our instinct is to retreat or take it as a rejection of us. But effective negotiators know that “no” simply means not yet, not this way, or not under these terms.
Ask yourself:

Is this a hard boundary or a soft one?
Can the context or timing change?
Is there something I’m not seeing?

Reframe the moment. Instead of shutting down, get curious .

2. Know What You Bring to the Table

People often accept "no" because they underestimate their value. Whether you're negotiating a raise, boundaries in a relationship, or the terms of a partnership— clarity breeds confidence.

List:

What you offer
What you’ve done
What they stand to gain

Negotiation is power with purpose—not power over people.

3. Look for the Third Option

Black-and-white thinking kills creativity. When you hear “no,” dig deeper. Is there a compromise? A pivot? A delayed yes?

Great negotiators find the hidden “yes.” That might mean:

Proposing an alternative timeline
Bundling your ask with added value
Revisiting the discussion later with new data

Remember, you’re not demanding—you’re designing a better deal.

4. Practice Self-Awareness Under Pressure

In emotionally charged moments, we tend to react—not respond. Self-awareness is the superpower that lets you stay present, read the room, and choose your words (and silences) wisely.

Try this:

Pause before responding
Ask a clarifying question
Stay calm when others don’t

Emotional intelligence isn’t weakness—it’s strategic strength .

5. Redefine Success in the Conversation

Sometimes, a negotiation doesn’t lead to your original goal—but that doesn’t mean it failed. Every honest ask, every difficult conversation, every “no” turned into a “maybe” is a win in personal growth.

You’re training your brain (and your boundaries) to say:
“I deserve to be heard. I deserve to ask. I deserve to try again.”

Final Thought:

“No” is a moment, not a final sentence.
Whether you're negotiating in a relationship, at work, or with your own self-doubt, don't walk away from discomfort— walk into it with intention .

Because when life says “no,” a skilled negotiator knows:
that’s just the opening offer.

How to Get What You Want Without Pushing

susie@susietomenchok.com (Susie Tomenchok) — Thu, 01 May 2025 01:11:18 GMT

The Subtle Power of Influence, Presence, and Emotional Intelligence

Ever walked away from a conversation feeling like you got everything you wanted—and didn’t even have to raise your voice or make demands? That’s not luck. That’s the power of subtle influence. In today’s fast-paced, often aggressive world, many assume that getting results means being loud, persistent, or even pushy. But the real magic happens when you lead with calm confidence, clarity, and connection.

1. Know What You Actually Want

Before any conversation or deal, clarity is your superpower. Vague goals lead to vague outcomes. The more specific you are, the easier it becomes to guide the conversation in a meaningful direction—without pressure or manipulation.

2. Lead with Curiosity, Not Control

Instead of bulldozing your way in, ask thoughtful questions. Listen. Then listen some more. People open up when they feel heard. And once they trust your intentions, they’re more likely to align with your goals naturally.

3. Master the Power of Silence

You don’t always need the next word. Sometimes, the most powerful moment in a conversation is the pause. It shows confidence, lets the other person reflect, and gives your words more weight.

4. Tap Into Emotional Intelligence

Read the room. Pay attention to body language, tone, and underlying emotion. Adjust your approach in real-time. The ability to stay composed while adapting your strategy is what sets gentle influencers apart from aggressive ones.

5. Offer Wins, Not Ultimatums

Position your request as a solution—not a demand. People are more inclined to say yes when they see how it benefits them, too. Create a shared vision rather than drawing a line in the sand.

6. Reframe Resistance

If you hear a no, don’t view it as rejection. View it as information. What’s behind the hesitation? Is it timing, fear, misunderstanding? Treat resistance as a doorway to deeper understanding, not a dead end.

Influence isn’t about pressure. It’s about presence. You don’t need to push to move things forward. You need to listen better, speak smarter, and understand deeper. That’s how you get what you want—and keep the respect of those around you.

Leverage Glasses: See Opportunity Clearly

susie@susietomenchok.com (Susie Tomenchok) — Fri, 20 Dec 2024 22:14:36 GMT

The Superpower of Leverage: How to Gain Influence in Every Situation

Having leverage in negotiations is like putting on a pair of superhuman glasses. When you anticipate the aspects of leverage, you see beyond the surface and understand the moves you need to make to gain power. Leverage is essential in every negotiation, whether you're leading a team or having a difficult conversation. In executive leadership training programs , we often teach that understanding leverage is key to mastering influence. I learned this lesson early in life—surprisingly, in the back of a station wagon.

The Power of Leverage: A Childhood Lesson

Our family car was a Grand Torino station wagon, the kind with fancy wood panels on the side. Every summer, we’d embark on a 17-hour journey to visit my cousins in Michigan. As the youngest of five siblings, I had little say in the car hierarchy. But my brother and I did have the coveted back section of the car, which we turned into a fort.

At first, we were excited and entertained ourselves with games, but after an hour, the excitement wore off, and the stifling heat of the car set in. The only relief came when my mom rolled down her window.

Then, out of nowhere, the sweet scent of candy filled the car. My sister, sitting in the middle row, had a suitcase on her lap—a treasure trove of Hubba Bubba, Twizzlers, and other treats. The air was suddenly alive with sugary aromas, igniting our cravings. My sister, recognizing her power, exercised her leverage .

She created a demanding process that made us beg for candy. We couldn’t just ask for a piece; we had to follow her precise instructions. The conversation went like this:

Can I have a piece of gum?
You need to use a descriptor for the type of gum.
Can I have a piece of spearmint gum?
Use the company name.
Can I have a piece of Wrigley's spearmint gum?
You didn't say please.
Can I please have a piece of Wrigley's spearmint gum?
You need to call it "chewing gum."
Can I please have a piece of Wrigley's spearmint chewing gum?

It took at least 25 minutes to get one piece of candy.

The Power of Leverage: This is a simple but powerful example of leverage in negotiation . My sister had something we all wanted, and she used that desire to control the situation. When you have something valuable and the other side has limited options, you can make demands that may seem extreme. Executive coaching services often highlight leverage as a transformative leadership technique that allows you to control the outcome of negotiations.

But leverage doesn’t just apply to candy in a station wagon. In C-suite development strategies , leveraging your position or information can give you a significant advantage. It’s a tool that can be used to create focus and desire for your perspective, and when done thoughtfully, it opens up possibilities for everyone involved.

How to Use Leverage in Everyday Conversations: You don’t need a suitcase full of candy to use leverage. If you take a few moments before any conversation or meeting to consider the leverage at play for both sides, you’ll be better positioned to get what you want. This is a skill often taught in executive leadership workshops , where leaders learn to consider both their own goals and the interests of the other party.

Five Questions to Consider for Leverage:

I. What is my goal in this conversation?

Clearly define what you want to achieve.

2. What is important to me?

Understand your own priorities.

3. What is important to the other person?

Empathy is key to knowing what drives the other side.

4. What do they need to understand about my position?

Frame your solution in a way that addresses their concerns.

5. What conditions are important to them in order to agree?

Identify the factors that will help them say "yes."

These questions are used in strategic leadership development to help executives navigate complex conversations and high-stakes negotiations. By answering these questions before any discussion, you give yourself the clarity and confidence to create innovative leadership strategies that get results.

Conclusion: Leverage is a superpower, even if you don’t have a suitcase full of candy. When you understand the elements of leverage, you can position yourself to win in any situation. The more you practice using leverage, the more natural it will feel—and the more successful your negotiations will be, whether you’re at the boardroom table or just trying to get through a long road trip.

Takeaway: Before your next meeting or conversation, ask yourself the five leverage questions. You’ll deepen your understanding of both your needs and the needs of the other party, positioning yourself to reach the best outcome.

Is Your Career a Cupcake?

susie@susietomenchok.com (Susie Tomenchok) — Fri, 20 Dec 2024 22:11:26 GMT

How to Add Frosting, Sprinkles, and Reach Your Full Potential

Imagine thinking of your current role as a cupcake. �� It’s not something to be taken lightly. A great cupcake takes intention, the best ingredients, and just the right conditions to create something exceptional. Your professional career is like that cupcake—it’s the product of time, effort, experience, and wise decision-making.

But is being a cupcake enough for you? While being skilled and knowledgeable in your field is a significant accomplishment, what if you could enhance it further? Let’s explore how adding frosting, sprinkles, and even a cherry on top can transform your career into something extraordinary.

1. Adding Frosting: Develop Your Skills and Expand Your Influence

Frosting on a cupcake adds a rich layer of flavor, and in your career, it represents professional development —taking on new responsibilities, investing in leadership coaching, or finding a mentor. These actions add depth to your skillset and increase your visibility within your organization.

In executive leadership training programs , we learn that developing new skills enhances versatility and influence. By investing in continuous learning, you position yourself as someone who is not only skilled but also self-motivated and adaptable. As Forbes suggests, executive coaching services and mentoring help professionals hone leadership capabilities and enhance decision-making ( INSEAD Knowledge ).

Your development is also shared organically through your interactions, making you more valuable to your employer. Your initiative to improve yourself signals that you are driven and committed to growth—key traits of high-potential leadership .

2. Sprinkles: Expand Your Network and Embrace New Opportunities

While frosting makes a cupcake delicious, sprinkles add the extra pizazz that makes it stand out. In your career, sprinkles represent taking on extra initiatives , supporting company culture, and expanding your internal network. These actions expose you to opportunities you didn’t even know existed and give you a wider range of influence across your organization.

Networking, both internally and externally, is crucial for strategic leadership development . As Harvard Business Review highlights, building relationships and expanding your optics can lead to long-term success and satisfaction( PON at Harvard ). Additionally, mentoring others and getting involved in cross-departmental projects can broaden your skillset and introduce new career paths you hadn’t considered before.

3. The Cherry on Top: Confidence and Self-Advocacy

The cherry on top of your career development comes from embodying your value and advocating for yourself. By consistently adding frosting and sprinkles, you build the confidence to own your achievements. This confidence is crucial when high-stakes negotiations or promotions arise—you won’t need to scramble to collect leverage. You’ve already anchored your value in the eyes of those around you.

According to Harvard Law School’s Program on Negotiation , advocating for yourself begins with understanding your worth and using it to negotiate confidently. Silence, pauses, and strategic timing in conversations can enhance your presence and strengthen your negotiating position( INSEAD Knowledge ).

Conclusion: While it’s wonderful to be a cupcake, there’s more you can do to push yourself toward your full potential. Add frosting by developing your skills, add sprinkles by expanding your network and taking on new responsibilities, and top it off with the confidence that comes from self-advocacy.

Take your career into your own hands—if you don’t, who will? By enhancing your professional profile, you’ll not only stand out but also unlock new opportunities for growth and success.

Takeaway: Start small. Invest in your development, mentor others, and take on new responsibilities. Over time, these efforts will compound, turning your career into something exceptional and positioning you as a key player in your organization.

3 Ways to be a Better Human by Leveraging Silence

Fri, 20 Dec 2024 22:08:45 GMT

The Power of Silence: How Practicing Silence Can Make You a Better Leader and Negotiator

Practicing silence makes us better humans—and better leaders, negotiators, and professionals. While that might sound overstated, it’s true. In executive leadership training programs , the importance of silence is often discussed because it is a tool that transforms both relationships and results. I learned the power of silence firsthand during intense negotiations by focusing on the mantra, “the first one who talks loses.” Though it felt uncomfortable at first, it became a critical skill for influencing outcomes.

In negotiations, silence creates space for thought, creativity, and reflection, leading to more intentional responses. Whether you’re a leader in C-suite development strategies or simply trying to improve your personal relationships, practicing silence is essential.

Why Silence Makes Us Better Humans

When we allow silence to linger, something important happens: it gives people the space to process, reflect, and offer more thoughtful responses. Silence is transformative. As I’ve coached individuals and teams, I’ve seen how creating that silence allows others to move into unexpected spaces. Often, people arrive at conclusions or new perspectives they wouldn’t have without that pause.

According to experts at Harvard Law School’s Program on Negotiation , silence can help defuse anchors, mitigate cognitive biases, and allow for valuable thinking time. They call this the process of "going to the balcony"—stepping back from the situation to gain a clearer perspective on heated discussions( PON at Harvard ). This is particularly useful in high-pressure negotiations, where silence can calm tensions and provide space for more strategic responses.

Here are three ways to practice silence so you can experience its influence:

1. Home Court Advantage: Use Silence with Those Closest to You Research shows that we often listen less attentively to the people we care about most. We fall into familiar conversational patterns, assuming we know what they’ll say next. This passive listening creates distance. However, when we intentionally practice silence, we interrupt these patterns, signaling that we’re fully present in the conversation.

For leaders working on executive leadership skills , this practice of silence can also strengthen personal and professional relationships, creating deeper connections. When people feel heard, trust grows, which is key to leadership success.

2. Make Your Point and Stop Talking When we’re passionate about a topic, we tend to keep elaborating or reinforcing our point, adding evidence or restating our position. However, in strategic leadership development or negotiations, saying your piece and then allowing silence to linger shows confidence and allows you to gauge the other party’s reaction.

In a high-stakes negotiation, this pause can be especially powerful. MIT Sloan suggests that silence improves outcomes for both parties, encouraging reflection and creative solutions. By allowing silence to linger, negotiators can move beyond a "fixed pie" mentality and find new ways to expand value( MIT Sloan ).

3. Let Them Finish (and Then Wait) The next time you’re in a conversation, practice not only waiting for the other person to finish speaking but also inserting a brief silence after their statement. This small pause encourages the other person to share more—sometimes providing critical information they initially withheld.

In executive coaching services , leaders are often taught that silence signals confidence, patience, and deep listening. It creates space for the other person to feel valued and heard, improving engagement and strengthening relationships. The additional information shared during that silence might even unlock creative solutions.

However, INSEAD Knowledge reminds us that cultural differences may play a role in how silence is perceived. While silence may create discomfort in some cultures, in others, such as Japan, it is seen as an opportunity to "read the air"—allowing time for deeper understanding and interpretation( INSEAD Knowledge ).

Using Silence in Negotiations and Leadership

In negotiation awareness , silence is a powerful tool. It creates opportunities for the other party to rethink their position, come up with new ideas, or adjust their approach. But it feels awkward if you’re not used to it, especially in everyday conversations.

To build this skill, start practicing silence in daily interactions. As you become more comfortable with it, it will become second nature. A good tip is to count to seven in your head after someone speaks, allowing the silence to linger and create impact. The more you try it, the less awkward it will feel.

Conclusion: Silence Makes Us Better Leaders and Humans Mastering silence can transform how you communicate in both personal and professional settings. As you practice silence, your relationships will grow deeper, and your leadership effectiveness will increase. Silence allows you to build trust, create space for others, and gain valuable insights that would otherwise be missed. And when you move from simple silence to embracing “awkward silence,” you’ll take your communication skills to a whole new level.

Takeaway: Start small. In your next meeting or conversation, intentionally pause and let silence do the heavy lifting. You’ll soon discover how powerful it can be for both leadership development and building stronger relationships.

How a Thank You Note Can Ruin Your Weekend

susie@susietomenchok.com (Susie Tomenchok) — Fri, 20 Dec 2024 22:05:56 GMT

Negotiating with Yourself: How Emotional Triggers Can Create False Realities

When we think about negotiation, we often imagine a formal event that brings discomfort and unease. We gather the courage to advocate for our value, yet sometimes, the person who stands in our way is ourselves. In executive leadership training programs , leaders are taught that negotiation isn’t just about the other party—it’s also about controlling our own emotional reactions.

In my book The Art of Everyday Negotiation without Manipulation , I share stories that illustrate how easily we can negotiate with ourselves and shift leverage based on emotional reactions rather than facts. Jennifer’s story is one of those instances where her emotional state clouded her judgment, leading her down a rabbit hole of assumptions.

The Story of Jennifer: Jennifer is intelligent, thoughtful, and generous. She has experienced great success in her career and often mentors others, showcasing the high-potential leadership traits that have brought her to where she is today. She’s also politically savvy, so when I worked with her during a transition from one role to another, I was surprised by how a simple thank-you note sent her into a weekend of panic.

Subtle Communication: Jennifer was the VP of Finance for a large company, well-respected and ready to make the leap to a C-suite development strategy as a CFO for an adjacent company. This role offered her the chance to present financials to the board, refine infrastructure, and become one of the few female CFOs of her company’s size—a dream she had nurtured.

The interview process was intense. She met with the VC, board members, the CEO, and COO. Despite the grueling nature of the interviews, she felt confident that her leadership skills for executives would be a major asset in the role. The recruiter gave her positive feedback, and all signs pointed to her being the top candidate. Jennifer daydreamed about the role and its potential, imagining how she could make a positive impact, particularly for women in leadership.

After a successful interview with the company president, she needed to send a simple thank-you note—a standard practice in executive leadership workshops . But this is where things went sideways.

The Overthinking Begins: Jennifer spent hours crafting a three-sentence thank-you email. Every word, every phrase was scrutinized for tone, weight, and meaning. She agonized over whether the message was too lighthearted or too serious, wondering what impression it would leave. When she finally sent the email, she felt a mix of relief and fear.

The next day, she received a simple response: “Thanks.”

And with that one word, Jennifer spiraled. What did "Thanks" mean? Was it positive? Negative? Neutral? The more she thought about it, the more convinced she became that she had lost the job. She spent the entire Thanksgiving weekend creating a narrative in which the role had been taken off the table. By the time Monday came around, she had already grieved the loss of an opportunity.

The Outcome: On Monday afternoon, the recruiter called to extend an offer—to her! Jennifer was thrilled, but she had already gone through an emotional rollercoaster based on nothing more than a one-word email.

What happened here? Jennifer, like many of us, had negotiated with herself. She created high stakes where none existed. This kind of self-negotiation happens often in leadership pipeline development , when we’re in transition or waiting for important decisions. Without outside perspective or clarity, our emotions can lead us down unhelpful paths.

Lessons for Executive Leaders: This story teaches us a valuable lesson about executive resilience training : emotional triggers can cause us to fill in the gaps with assumptions that aren't based on facts. Jennifer’s emotional reaction clouded her ability to see the reality of the situation. Best practices in executive decision-making emphasize the need for objective thinking and detachment from emotional responses in high-stakes situations.

What could Jennifer have done differently?

Explore Options: Continuing to explore other job opportunities would have kept her from putting all her emotional energy into one outcome. C-suite development strategies often stress the importance of having multiple options on the table.
Seek Outside Perspective: Having a trusted advisor or mentor—a common theme in executive coaching services —could have helped Jennifer stay grounded and see the situation more objectively.
Stick to the Facts: Sticking with the facts rather than reacting to a perceived slight would have saved Jennifer a weekend of worry. In executive leadership workshops , we often teach that emotions can cloud judgment and create unnecessary stress.

Conclusion: Jennifer’s story is a reminder that sometimes, we are our own worst negotiators. We can easily get in our own way by creating fictitious narratives based on emotional triggers. For leaders undergoing leadership transition coaching , it’s crucial to identify these moments and stick to the facts. Recognizing when you’re triggered and taking a step back can help you remain objective, focused, and successful in any negotiation or career move.

As Jennifer and I laugh about it now, we realize how often we do this to ourselves. What about you? Have you ever gotten in your own way during a negotiation? Recognizing and managing these moments is a critical part of strategic leadership development .

Takeaway: Next time you find yourself overthinking or spiraling, stop and ask: Am I filling in the blanks with facts, or am I letting my emotions take over? Learning how to negotiate with yourself is just as important as negotiating with others.

Focus and Win: The Power of Target Strategy

susie@susietomenchok.com (Susie Tomenchok) — Fri, 20 Dec 2024 22:03:03 GMT

How Negotiation Happens Even When You Don’t Know It

Even though you may not realize it, negotiation is happening around you all the time. Whether you're leading a team or making a simple decision, the strategies used in everyday interactions can apply to high-stakes conversations. Building negotiation literacy is key to becoming more aware and intentional in how you approach any situation.

In my book, I wrote about the Target strategy , and people often comment on how it helped them see negotiation in a new light. The core of the Target strategy revolves around leverage, a critical concept in executive leadership training programs . When you accept that leverage plays a role in every conversation, you unlock another dimension of influence, much like advanced leadership courses teach.

Personal Story: The Target Strategy in Action The characters in the Target strategy are my three daughters, and the picture in my mind captures their ages as they honed this tactic. Today, all three are in their twenties and working professionally, using these same negotiation principles in their careers. They reach out to me whenever they face a formal negotiation situation, advocating for themselves and applying transformative leadership techniques they’ve learned over the years.

Start Early: When my girls were six, eight, and ten, I took them along on my full shopping trips to Target. They were old enough to venture off together, leaving me to focus on my list. They knew my trigger points—nagging never worked. But how could three young girls walk into Target and leave without something in hand? They needed a strategy.

Perfect Timing: They learned early on that timing is everything. They would "happen" to find me just as I was wrapping up my shopping, when I felt I had checked off my list and my stress level was low. They had built what I now call relationship equity , a concept we often teach in executive leadership workshops . By giving me space and showing restraint, they knew their chances of success would increase.

The Tactics: The girls developed a negotiation framework that would be taught in any C-suite development strategy session. They decided that their chances for success improved if they chose one item they could share. This created the perfect setup: working together, they softened me up with a collaborative decision. It wasn’t just about the toy—they were demonstrating teamwork and consideration, a pitch even the most hardened executive coach would appreciate.

Next, they identified the best lead negotiator , the one with the most emotional equity at the moment. Maybe one of them had made their bed without being asked or done something particularly kind for me that day. Whoever had built the most goodwill would make the pitch, practicing their argument with the others until they felt ready.

The Pitch: The lead negotiator would present their case with confidence, framing the ask in a way that assumed I would agree. This is a classic tactic in strategic leadership development —giving the decision-maker a sense of control by offering limited but desirable options. They knew the power of this approach. The first item they presented was always less desirable, making the second choice (the real target) seem like the obvious solution.

I often went through the reasons why I was saying "no" to the first option, thinking I was helping them understand decision-making. In reality, they were using the information to fine-tune their strategy for the next trip. They were gathering data, much like an executive in leadership transition coaching might, to improve their pitch the next time around.

The Close: The girls would circle back to their collaboration, reminding me how they had carefully chosen something they could all enjoy, considered its quality, and even picked an item on sale—hitting all the key points of a solid negotiation strategy. They reiterated the process, justified their choice, and emphasized why they deserved a "yes."

Every time, I fell for it. They closed the deal flawlessly. Now, looking back, I can see how they unconsciously applied the principles of innovative leadership strategies to their Target trips.

What I Learned: It turns out, negotiation skills for executives can be learned at any age. Paying attention to what’s happening around you—whether in a boardroom or a shopping aisle—helps you design or apply a winning approach in any situation. The people around us are getting what they want because they’ve learned the tactics that work. So why not us?

The best practices in executive decision-making teach that negotiations happen even when we’re not aware of them. Learning to anticipate these moves is a skill. Once you see negotiation strategies in action, you can’t unsee them. It becomes natural.

Conclusion: Whether you’re negotiating a major deal or making smaller decisions, the principles remain the same. As leaders, understanding how leverage and timing work can significantly improve outcomes. In executive leadership training programs and executive coaching services , we emphasize the importance of building these skills. You don’t have to be in a formal negotiation to apply them—they’re useful in everyday life.

What I learned from my girls is that negotiation is always happening. By refining your strategies and paying attention, you can achieve better results, both personally and professionally. Just like the high-potential leadership traits demonstrated in this story, taking the time to sharpen your skills can open new doors.

And if you ever run into my daughters, Trace, Morgan, or Jojo, on LinkedIn, be sure to ask them about the Target strategy—they’ve perfected it!

Create Standing Room Only Meetings with Negotiation

susie@susietomenchok.com (Susie Tomenchok) — Fri, 20 Dec 2024 21:44:11 GMT

A Critical Skill for Leaders and Professionals

Negotiation is an essential skill for every leader and professional. At its core, negotiation is about finding common ground and offering creative solutions, even during stressful situations. It's about seeing things from the other person’s perspective and working toward mutually beneficial outcomes. Executive leadership training programs often emphasize that even small tweaks in how we approach conversations can have a significant impact.

In every work environment, assume that each conversation is a negotiation. This mindset increases your awareness and helps you see the opportunities happening all around you. As you observe others’ interactions, consider how you would adjust the power dynamic or introduce creative solutions.

Using Negotiation Awareness to Increase Influence and Engagement

Throughout my career, I used negotiation awareness to increase my influence and encourage team engagement. Even something as simple as a cross-departmental meeting can become high-stakes when the outcomes directly affect the business. The success of these interactions hinges on keeping the team engaged, aligned, and working toward the same goals.

I shared the following scenario in my book because it illustrates how negotiation can inspire creativity, alignment, and accountability within a team.

The Challenge: Building Alignment and Accountability

As a leader in a corporate environment, my group was responsible for client relationships and customer experience. Our customers were media companies, and they expected us to provide both fantastic service and cutting-edge technology. However, technology alone wasn’t enough. Without people aligned toward the same goals, no amount of innovation would lead to success. Unfortunately, my peers weren’t excited about delivering service to our clients because we weren’t all working together.

My job was to gain alignment and create a shift in the way we worked. I needed our teams to come together, get excited about the business, and understand our customers’ needs. The solution? An exclusive weekly meeting with a representative from each operational and technology area.

The Power of Exclusivity: A Negotiation Strategy

We used exclusivity as a negotiation tactic to influence commitment. This wasn’t just any meeting; it was a mandatory, high-stakes gathering with decision-making power. Each department was required to send one person, and that person needed to be empowered to make decisions. Attendance was capped, and accountability was strict—no one could miss or be late. This kind of structure is often highlighted in C-suite development strategies because it drives results and fosters a culture of accountability.

During our first meeting, we collectively made decisions for our customers. Every person in the room had a voice, and we committed to holding each other accountable. I promised to have their backs when communicating with senior management. This created a trusted environment where people could be honest and think like our customers.

Creativity and Engagement: Building a Team with Heart

At first, the meeting felt more like a task than a culture shift. People showed up on time, but it lacked heart. The turning point came when we instituted a rule: if you were late, you had to answer the question of the week. Questions ranged from “What was your first car?” to “What’s your most embarrassing moment?”

This might sound trivial, but it became a welcome distraction and a way to curb tardiness. It also became a bonding moment for the team. Some people arrived early just to secure their seats, while others intentionally showed up late because they enjoyed the vulnerability and connection that came with answering the questions. The team started to come together, and the meeting gained a reputation. Soon, others wanted to join because it was the group making decisions for the business.

Key Negotiation Strategies That Made the Difference: This meeting was built on the core attributes of high-stakes negotiation , which are applicable to any leadership scenario:

Set Clear Goals and Expectations: Define the purpose of the meeting and what success looks like.
Create Engagement: Use factors like exclusivity to drive commitment and enthusiasm.
Follow Through: Do what you say you will do and hold others accountable to do the same.
Consider the Interests of Every Participant: Ensure everyone at the table has a voice and their concerns are addressed.
Be Creative: Think outside the box to keep the group engaged and moving toward success.
Evaluate Power Dynamics: Understand who holds influence and how to balance power within the group.
Gain Commitment: Secure buy-in from everyone to ensure the group works toward a shared goal.
Close the Deal: Solidify decisions and ensure follow-through to achieve the desired outcome.

Negotiation as a Leadership Tool

Approaching every situation with a negotiation lens creates a more dimensional approach to leadership. This mindset helps leaders develop strategic negotiation skills that they can apply in any professional setting. It’s not just for “the people who negotiate”—it’s a vital tool for executive leadership and can be used to drive engagement and achieve better business outcomes.

Conclusion: Negotiation is a critical skill for leaders and professionals alike. Whether you’re in a cross-departmental meeting or engaging in a formal negotiation, viewing each conversation as an opportunity to find common ground and achieve better outcomes will enhance your effectiveness. By using innovative leadership strategies like exclusivity, accountability, and creativity, you can lead your team toward success.

Takeaway: Consider the next meeting or conversation you have. How can you apply a negotiation mindset to increase engagement and drive better results? Start by setting clear expectations, being creative, and ensuring everyone’s voice is heard.

Here are some great resources for you to leverage to dig deeper.

Here are some excellent resources from trusted leadership and negotiation sites that you can incorporate into your blog posts to add more value for your readers:

Harvard Business Review (HBR) offers a helpful guide on improving negotiation skills, emphasizing the importance of emotional intelligence, planning, and creating value in conversations. These strategies can help individuals negotiate more effectively, especially in high-stakes professional environments( Harvard Business School Online )( Harvard Business School Online ). This article would complement discussions around handling complex negotiations in your blog. You can check it out here .
The Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School (PON) provides a wide range of resources on negotiation strategies. Their article on top 10 negotiation skills is particularly useful for professionals looking to enhance their influence and negotiation skills. They discuss how skills like active listening, empathy, and creative problem-solving can impact leadership success(
PON at Harvard ). Find more about it here .
For leaders who want to focus on fostering better relationships while negotiating, the Harvard Business School Online article on creating value in negotiations can be insightful. It discusses how leaders can transform good deals into great ones by establishing trust, improvising, and focusing on areas of difference(
Harvard Business School Online ). Access the full guide here .

I Lost The ESPN Deal Because I Didn't Ask For Help

susie@susietomenchok.com (Susie Tomenchok) — Fri, 20 Dec 2024 21:40:09 GMT

Leveraging Relationships in Negotiation: Executive Leadership Strategies for High-Stakes Situations

As a negotiator and executive, relationships often play a central role in decision-making. But what happens when emotions tied to those relationships cloud your judgment? For executive leaders , mastering the balance between leveraging relationships and staying objective is a critical skill, especially when navigating C-suite development strategies and high-stakes negotiations.

Understanding the Role of Relationships in Executive Negotiation: In executive leadership training programs , we often discuss how leveraging relationships can foster trust, creativity, and positive outcomes. But it’s essential to avoid being clouded by emotions. For leaders in advanced leadership courses , understanding when and how to lean into a relationship without losing objectivity can make or break a deal.

How Emotions Can Impact C-Suite Decisions: I learned this lesson the hard way.

For five years, we had been providing services to ESPN, managing their broadcast signal delivery across the U.S. This contract was not only lucrative but served as a key reference for new business—a testament to our reliability. When negotiating the renewal, I had built a strong relationship with my ESPN counterpart. We knew each other well, both personally and professionally.

But as the leadership skills for executives dictate, relationships in business must be navigated carefully. During the renewal discussions, I misinterpreted the urgency when my contact suggested we make a more aggressive offer. My close relationship with him clouded my judgment, and I assumed the deal was secure. I didn't escalate the issue to my boss, which ultimately led to ESPN deciding to bring the service in-house.

Key Takeaway: In high-potential leadership traits , it’s vital to remain objective and recognize when personal relationships might be blurring your perspective. As part of any C-suite development strategy , understanding leverage in negotiations and decision-making is crucial.

Lessons Learned:

Assume Defeat in High-Stakes Negotiations: Leadership transition coaching often emphasizes the importance of having a trusted advisor or coach, especially when emotions are involved. Don’t assume you’ll see everything clearly on your own. A coach can help you maintain objectivity, a key component in executive resilience training and strategic leadership development .
Have a Strategic Plan: Chart out exactly what you want to achieve and the various routes to get there. Understanding your leadership pipeline development and the needs of the other party is essential. This is especially useful for executive leaders who regularly engage in high-stakes discussions that shape the future of their organization.
Create Alternative Options: Knowing your BATNA (Best Alternative to No Agreement) and theirs allows you to think creatively and generate unexpected leverage ( read more here from HBR on BATNA.) As executive coaching services often advise, thinking beyond the obvious solutions can open up new opportunities, especially during difficult negotiations.

Conclusion: Navigating relationships and emotions during negotiations is a crucial skill for anyone in executive leadership. For those in executive leadership workshops or advanced leadership courses , it’s important to refine these skills continuously. By incorporating transformative leadership techniques and staying aware of your blind spots, you can ensure you’re prepared for any negotiation, no matter how high the stakes.

In executive roles, you’ll often hear, “It’s just business, not personal.” But for many leaders, myself included, it’s always personal. Honoring the relationship while making the best decisions for the business is the delicate balance that all great leaders must master.

Takeaway: Whether you're part of an executive leadership training program or working with an executive coach , always plan for defeat and surround yourself with trusted voices. When you do win, it will be even sweeter.

Shift Happens: Embrace Change with Confidence

susie@susietomenchok.com (Susie Tomenchok) — Fri, 20 Dec 2024 21:11:25 GMT

Shifts in Leadership: Recognizing Quantum Leaps in Your Career Development

In leadership, we don’t always notice when a shift happens. We work hard, improve, and grow, but often fail to recognize the breakthroughs until we look back. Executive leadership training programs emphasize the importance of reflection, but it’s easy to forget how far we’ve come until we take a moment to assess our progress.

I remember working with a coach earlier in my career to prepare for my first budget presentation to the executive team. Every part of the presentation was rehearsed—from my word choice to where I stood in the room, to how I would handle questions. I was new to the process and very stressed. But as I look back now, I realize that over time, the very things that once made me anxious became second nature.

That’s how leadership development works. You plan, struggle, and progress, but don’t always notice the growth. It’s important to recognize how far you’ve come because it helps fuel your momentum for future success.

Career Growth: The Power of Reflection I remember my friend Dorothy telling me that I would experience quantum leaps in my career and that there would only be moments of clarity when I could recognize them. She was right. And when I work with younger executives, I can see their passion for wanting to learn everything as quickly as possible.

It takes a combination of coaching, learning, and executive leadership experiences to create consistent growth. There is no shortcut to success, no executive leadership workshop that can simulate the true challenges you face. The struggle is essential, and looking back at how you overcame those struggles gives you the context to appreciate your development.

Finding Catalysts for Quantum Leaps: When I think back to my first job, I can clearly see the shifts that have occurred since then. My first job out of college was at a local television station. I did everything from running a camera to producing news segments, and even on-air talent. It was a small operation, so I had the opportunity to grow quickly. Even back then, I had a passion for people and enjoyed being on camera while juggling multiple responsibilities.

Gallup's research shows that focusing on areas of raw talent leads to excellence. In executive leadership coaching , we learn that focusing on what we’re naturally good at helps us hone those skills toward mastery. Looking back, I realize that the things I loved about that job are still the things that drive me today.

Ask yourself:

What drew me to my first role?
What did I enjoy most about it?
What did I take away from that experience?

For me, it was learning how to be a team player and support my community through thoughtful coverage. I didn’t know at the time how much I would carry those lessons with me into the future.

Uncomfortable Experiences Lead to Growth: Some of the most uncomfortable experiences in my career have led to the most significant growth. After my first job, I suddenly found myself managing a team of 30+ entry-level employees. I felt confident at first because I was “the boss,” but my direct supervisor had exacting standards. She required that everyone be on time to the minute, and I had to sit at the door at 7:30 a.m. to “have a talk with” anyone who was late.

After months of this, I confided in a friend that I hated managing people. His response? “It shows.”

That comment was a turning point for me. I realized that managing people requires an investment of time and energy. It’s a two-way street where the manager needs to learn how to motivate and coach effectively. It’s not easy, but it’s incredibly rewarding. I learned to take the time to get to know each person as an individual, which changed everything for me. This lesson is one that many leadership transition coaching programs emphasize, as building genuine relationships is key to successful management.

Reflections on Growth: Looking back now, I see many moments of growth that felt difficult at the time but propelled me forward. As they say, "If you don’t look back and cringe, you’re not improving." I’ve had my share of cringe-worthy moments, but they’ve all contributed to my strategic leadership development .

Ask yourself:

What comment or feedback changed the way you saw yourself as a leader?
Is there something you learned in the past that you could apply again today?

Shifts in Focus: I recently had coffee with my friend Jill, an accomplished executive with a career as long as mine. We talked about how shifts happen without us always noticing. She mentioned how, early in her career, she was focused on expanding her network, increasing exposure, and earning recognition. Now, she prefers to stay on the sidelines, focusing on her team’s success rather than her own.

Her comments resonated with me. Earlier in my career, I was focused on making connections and being seen. But as I’ve grown, I find more joy in being the silent partner for others. The hustle feels more like an open road on cruise control. This shift is a common realization in executive resilience training —finding peace and purpose in helping others.

Conclusion: Looking back at your career and recognizing the shifts that have happened naturally over time is an important part of leadership pipeline development . It gives you the momentum to move forward and seek your next quantum leap . Shifting is part of the journey, but it’s equally important to appreciate how far you’ve come.

Ask yourself:

What do I do now on autopilot that used to be a struggle?
Where do I need to focus next to create growth and progress?

Shifting happens without us always noticing, but by reflecting on your growth, you’ll gain valuable insight to propel your career forward.

Takeaway: Take a moment to reflect on a cringe-worthy memory that led to a quantum leap in your career. How did it shape you, and how can it inspire your next steps?

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Negotiating a Raise: Strategies to Increase Your Pay

susie@susietomenchok.com (Susie Tomenchok) — Wed, 16 Oct 2024 18:41:46 GMT

Master the Art of Asking for More

Have you been desiring a salary increase but aren't sure how to approach the conversation with your boss? Negotiating a raise is a high-stakes situation so it is a nerve-wracking experience which evokes many emotions which leaves us less confident and apprehensive, even for the most seasoned professionals. However, with strong preparation and a clear definition of your best possible outcome, you can confidently approach —and receive—the raise you deserve. This post will guide you through essential strategies for successfully negotiating a raise.

Understanding Your Worth

We often need to collect our evidence when we go for asking for a promotion or a raise. Yet, we need to be honing our value on a regular basis so that we can position it with confidence and ease. It is crucial to connect that value to what the business values.

Keep a list of your and your team’s accomplishments, particularly those that have directly contributed to the company's bottom line, related to KPIs the company measures, what you consider successes and anything related to your development or the team’s. Collect market data on market value of your role from platforms like Glassdoor or LinkedIn to understand industry standards. This is something to have when you frame your ask but it should be something you update quarterly and reference often.

Consider creating a graph or chart highlighting your performance metrics or a completed project timeline. A visual gives you a way to remember and an additional angle to appreciate your contribution. Use this as an aid when you anchor the idea of promotion to your boss and use it again as familiarity. It also provides a way for the person you present to a stronger angle to advocate for you. A visual makes it feel more permanent and stronger because it is more than words. People trust data and something they can reference because it makes it easier to understand the position.

Timing Your Request

Timing is everything in any negotiation. This is especially true in salary negotiations. Being an investigator when inspecting when the business is more likely to agree is important. Aim for a moment when your value to the company is apparent, such as before or after a successful project completion or getting ahead of a performance review cycle.

There are times when organizations are most likely to be open and generous in granting salary increases. Understanding the spoken and unspoken cadence of these windows of opportunity is essential. One best practice that should be leveraged before one of those windows (including before an annual review) is to have the meeting before the meeting with your direct leader to let them know that you are looking for an increase and aligning on the evidence you have collected to justify it. Getting them to opt in to the position will allow them to set the steps in motion and reveal what additional information or hurdles they will need to overcome. Help them help you.

At the end of the conversation, ask for their commitment to fighting for the increase when you deliver what aspects of the deal you agree with. You want your leader to be prepared for the conversation when you make the ask especially if they are not the final decision maker, they need time to create alignment to get a yes.

Here is a good cadence to follow when you are unsure of the best timing for your organization. When you set the expectation that you ask for something every quarter, you learn to move through no to uncover more context, you signal that you advocate for what you and your team needs so that they consider you in the meeting that you may not be involved in where they discuss who is getting the promotion, salary increase, bonus, professional development, executive coach, etc.

Have a goal to engage every quarter to hone your value and articulate it so that it remains top of mind to your boss and other influential people in the organization.

Consider and take action each quarter as you consider these questions:

Value I Bring to My Role
Value My Team Brings
Accomplishments for the Quarter
My Ask

Preparing for Your Pitch

When preparing for a negotiation, it is crucial to thoroughly consider every aspect and angle that will be discussed. This includes anticipating potential obstacles, roadblocks, and questions the other party may raise. By preparing meticulously, you enable yourself to stay present in the moment and manage your emotions effectively.

It is crucial to consider not just your interests but also those of the business and the person you'll be negotiating with. This approach helps you determine your strongest position and fosters a collaborative negotiation environment. Start by jotting down your initial perspective on the situation. Clearly define your ask and back it up with evidence. Set a clear expectation for the conversation's outcome.

Your goal is to present your position in a way that the other party understands your request clearly. They should only need to ask clarifying questions to grasp the factors that support your case. Think of your perspective as a lens that helps the other person see the situation from your viewpoint. Explain how the business will benefit from your request to justify your position.

In negotiations, adopting an abundance mindset can be a game-changer. It encourages you to think beyond the obvious and come up with multiple options, even if you don't plan to use them. This mindset fosters flexibility and can give you a significant advantage in high-stakes situations.

Creating options is critical in high-stakes situations and requires time and creativity to recognize them.

I'd rather be up two sets during a tiebreak than have no wins in my column.

Having options creates confidence and increases your agility to get what you want.

Here is an example script for inspiration.

I appreciate your understanding of how important this conversation is for me. With your encouragement, I have been focused on advancing my leadership role and amplifying my impact within the business. My contributions to date support my request for a salary increase, and I am prepared to provide the necessary evidence to justify this raise.

I have earned this increase, and receiving it will boost my confidence and deepen my commitment to accelerating my contributions to the business, further demonstrating my commitment to our shared goals.

Can we agree that today's meeting's goal is to review my contributions and outline the next steps to secure approval for my pay increase?

As I prepared for this conversation, I carefully considered how you prefer to receive information and what is important to you. I understand that your perspective is crucial in making a well-informed decision, and you will have the most vital position in advocating on my behalf.

Generally speaking, these are the main points to consider in your frame:

Significance of the Discussion: Recognize the boss's commitment to this conversation and the necessary steps to gain their full support for achieving the best possible outcome.

Leader's Role in Self-Advocacy: Acknowledge the boss's role in encouraging you to advance your leadership and amplify your impact within the business.

Impact Supporting Salary Increase: Assert that your contributions to date justify the salary increase request, with readiness to provide necessary evidence.

Earning the Increase: State that you have earned the increase, explaining how it will boost your confidence and accelerate your contributions.

Meeting Goal: Ensure the leader agrees on the meeting's goal and opts in for the following steps to secure the pay increase.

Preparation and Consideration: Highlight your preparation and framing of information according to the boss's preferences, ensuring a well-informed decision that boosts their confidence in advocating on your behalf.

Conducting the Negotiation

On the day of the negotiation, you will face emotions and they may create doubt and apprehension. Be careful not to fall pray to your nerve, anticipate them and have a plan to move through them or someone you can call to keep you focused on your plan. It is now that you should trust the wisdom of your past self and simply go into execution mode.

The research on mindset illustrates that when you move into a negotiation considering the upside, you have a positive outlook and the research shows that the individual will move toward their best possible outcome vs a negative mindset with worry about it going wrong, the person approached the negotiation with low confidence and belief.

Remember that your contribution and value benefit the business. It is up to you to frame it in a way that makes that pitch. Before you walk in, focus on your approach to the negotiation and assume a positive and cooperative attitude. Be professional and ready to discuss details openly.

Here are some techniques that will add to setting a collaborative, creative and agreeable conversation.

Mirroring the other person makes them feel seen and it is familiar. Focus on this as a technique which will also keep you focused on your script instead of being overwhelmed by the nerves your body is experiencing. In fact, take on their cadence so don’t jump right into the conversation, observe their pace and see if you need to bond for a few minutes before you begin.

Showing your hands while you talk communicates trust. It also helps articulate your story as our brains think faster than we talk so the hands keep the other person engaged.

Maintaining good eye contact and showing confidence are essential.

Practice inserting silence. Silence is difficult to insert when you are nervous because our nerves feel uncomfortable with silence. Focus on listening to understand and paying attention to their non-verbals to tease out what they need to continue to move to the desired outcome.

Conclusion

Negotiating a raise is about solid preparation, thoughtful timing, and intentional execution. Understanding your worth, choosing the right timing, preparing your frame, and conducting the negotiation following your plan and in a professional way will significantly increase your chances of success.

Remember, the goal of any negotiation is to reach an agreement that benefits both parties. So consider their interests and the company’s interest will enable you to illustrate their benefits along side of yours. Be ready for a collaborative discussion where you discuss any objections or questions, be prepared to compromise, and come to an agreement even if it is to revisit the conversation at a specific date.

Now that you're equipped with these strategies, prepare approach, ask often to gain experience and take that step towards earning what you're truly worth.

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