Why Respect, Not Approval, Drives Real Progress at Work

1. The Nice Trap: Why Being Agreeable Isn’t a Career Strategy

Many professionals—especially women—are socialized to believe that being liked will lead to being rewarded. Smile more, don’t rock the boat, always be agreeable. But here's the truth: being liked doesn’t guarantee advancement. In fact, it can backfire. When you spend energy pleasing everyone, you may avoid the necessary tension that comes with growth, leadership, and real negotiations. The hard truth? Your likability won’t negotiate a better salary on your behalf—you will.



2. Respect Trumps Approval

The people who get promoted, funded, or chosen for leadership roles aren’t always the most liked—but they are often the most respected. They speak up when it’s uncomfortable, they ask for what they’re worth, and they challenge ideas constructively. If people admire your competence and trust your judgment, you’ve earned something deeper and more sustainable than popularity: credibility.

3. You Can Be Kind and Assertive

There’s a myth that you must choose between being nice and being bold. Not true. You can absolutely be empathetic and still ask for more. You can lead with warmth and still set boundaries. Being respected doesn’t mean being cold—it means knowing your value and standing by it, even when it’s not the easiest thing to do.

4. The Raise Goes to the One Who Asks

Your boss might appreciate you. Your team might enjoy working with you. But raises don’t come from silent gratitude—they come from confident conversations. That means preparing your case, showing the value you bring, and asking directly. Not with apologies. Not with “if you think I deserve it.” With clarity. With facts. With the belief that asking isn’t rude—it’s responsible.

5. Redefining What Being "Liked" Means

Maybe the goal isn’t to be liked in the “easygoing, never disruptive” sense. Maybe it’s to be the kind of person who’s trusted, who’s listened to, and who others know can lead tough conversations without losing integrity. That’s the kind of “likable” that moves careers forward.

 Chasing approval will keep you safe. Owning your value will take you further. So the next time you hesitate to ask for what you deserve because you don’t want to seem pushy—ask yourself this: Do I want to be liked… or do I want to be respected and paid fairly for the work I do?